You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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