True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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