Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
