I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
