Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
