all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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