Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
