pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
