I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
