planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
