there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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