Where is the hickey?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize