They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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