I'm drive I can fine osifer
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
