I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize