Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
