I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
