I accidentally burped into my bong.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
