I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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