So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
