Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
