i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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