I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
