Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
