And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
