Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
