Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
