went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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