it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
