What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
