I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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