just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
