So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
