I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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