I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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