A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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