he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
