she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
