you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're like the curious george of whores
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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