I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
