wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
