so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
