Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
