Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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