1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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