i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
