I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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