if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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