I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It all started with a game of naked twister.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
