she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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