is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize