Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
