so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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