If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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