So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
