my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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