And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
