just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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