the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
