I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my being single is dangerous.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize