I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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