I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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