You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
